yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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