Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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