i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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