Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
