I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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