Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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