I'm really into asian looking animals
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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