i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
