i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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