He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize