I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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