It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
