Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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