Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
