There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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