Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
