She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
