Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
