I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
