Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
