I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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