If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
a search helicopter?!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize