We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
