if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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