Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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