Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
