So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
