hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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