I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
