To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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