Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
