Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
