k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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