she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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