yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
