I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
