I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize