I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
