Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
