Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
