I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
