And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
