I wish I could punch you in the face.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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