Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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