WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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