she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
