Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
