You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
