he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
