I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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