im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize