Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
