I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
