You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
