HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
