I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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