i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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