I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
