Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize