I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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