Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
