i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
